Fiona the hippo, queen of the Cincinnati Zoo and our national daughter, has had a banner year.
She swam. She ate snacks. Friends, she lived her life. And she did it against all odds! It’s true: Fiona, whose ears wiggle when she pops out of the water, is the only being on earth who had a pleasant 2017. And she deserved every second.
Please join us as we celebrate some of her finest moments of 2017.
January 24: Fiona is born six weeks before her due date.
Fiona is watched around the clock by devoted zoo staff. She also acquires a purple teddy bear during this time.
January 31: Fiona gets her name.
Spoiler: The name is Fiona.
February 5: Fiona takes her first steps.
She is wobbly but does a great job.
March 6: Fiona acquires a pool ramp.
A belated congratulations to Fiona on this ramp.
March 14: Fiona gets a bigger bedroom.
Fiona also discovers her reflection.
March 31: Fiona has a nice dream.
Was it about lettuce?
April 13: Fiona makes an appearance at the adult hippo pool.
Small Hippo, Big Pool: The title of Fiona’s upcoming biopic. (Not really, but free idea.)
April 23: Fiona plays.
She has trouble getting the ball and we have trouble keeping it together.
May 27: Fiona discovers bubbles.
She does not like them.
June 9: Fiona hangs out with her mom.
Fiona and Bibi share some chill time.
June 27: Fiona eats her first helping of lettuce.
Her first solid food!
July 11: Fiona and her parents reunite for the first time.
It “exceed[ed] expectations.”
July 24: Fiona is six months old.
Fiona is the only being who is allowed to celebrate half-birthdays.
August 3: Fiona eats watermelon.
She appears to enjoy.
August 29: The Fiona Show debuts on Facebook.
Fiona is now a full-fledged celebrity, but she remains humble.
September 22: Fiona declines to change her position on bubbles.
We must respect her preferences.
September 23: Fiona reaches 500 pounds!
A major milestone.
October 6: Fiona eats a pumpkin.
Fiona had a great Halloween.
October 24: Fiona facilitates an engagement.
Fiona approves of this union.
October 26: Fiona does ballet.
Fiona is the best ballerina in the country.
October 28: Fiona waves to her many fans.
She is refined and graceful.
November 8: Fiona does a beautiful flip.
She is now on the U.S. Olympic gymnastic team.
This post will be updated as Fiona does more things.